Slow down, you move too fast.

One of my yoga class participants recently said that she’s never still – she’s always busy doing something, gardening, cleaning, community projects, etc.. This is all great, but it left me thinking about our cultural programming around stillness and busyness. We’re taught to value constant productivity. It’s not okay to just be still.

What I mean by stillness is really mindful being or meditation/contemplation/prayer or even just reading a book. Remember books? I suspect what she meant by stillness was the dangerous state of being a couch potato. These are two different things.

Our country thrives on do more and do it faster! And that mentality has given us some amazing gifts like outta-sight technology, for which I’m very grateful.  But that mentality has also seeped into our nervous systems, and done so to such an extent that anxiety and sleep disorders are a national epidemic. We no longer know how to slow down, to be still, to connect to ourselves.

And yes, it’s in our nervous systems. The autonomic nervous system settles into patterns at an early age. When we’re constantly looking for the next thing to do, we’re in an exteroceptive state (constant external stimulation) that’s fueling the fight or flight response (sympathetic nervous system). When we slow down and relax, especially when we let our selves feel that state of relaxation (interoception – internal awareness), we move into the rest and digest part of the nervous system (parasympathetic nervous system) where the body restores and heals itself.

So what’s a person to do? Take a mindful moment. Notice what your senses are offering you: what do you see around you – even if it’s mundane, really notice the colors, shapes and textures. Then notice what you’re hearing and smelling. Notice the textures on your skin or temperature of the air. Notice what your breath rhythm is feeling like right now. Take a moment to think about what you’re grateful for today.  Notice what if feels like to just be still for one minute. Then go for broke and try 10 minutes.

What does it feel like to do nothing, to just be? Did thoughts come up like, I don’t have time for this or is this really doing anything? What you’re practicing is mindfulness – noticing what’s really happening in this moment. And when you do it regularly you’re rewiring your brain (that’s cool). You’re teaching it to slow down, pay attention and maybe even relax.

If you’d like to get better at this come to my meditation class this fall or to any upcoming Yoga Nidra and Meditation events.

A Happy Body

I’ve been writing about gifts to give yourself and this month I’m writing about the gift of a happy body.

What’s a happy body? I think of it as a body that can move with ease and has no, or only small, discomforts (those are normal).

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I also think that a happy body means you have a relationship with your body. In that relationship, you actively care for yourself. You offer your body what it always needs – movement, healthy food and rest. And you listen to its signals like, I need more water! Then you respond to those cries for help like giving it more water or getting a massage or going to the doctor.

Many of us don’t have this kind of relationship with our bodies.

Much like a long marriage, we settle into habits with our bodies. Maybe you’ve been sweeping things under the rug for a long time. Maybe you’ve given up on exercise. Maybe you don’t take care of yourself because everyone else needs your attention and you tell yourself that you just don’t have the time.

Or maybe you ignore sensations until they turn into real pain. One thing I’ve noticed in my work is that many people only pay attention when pain is screaming so loudly they can’t ignore it, even though they’ve been getting signals for weeks.

All these ways of avoiding a relationship with your body are simply habits.

So let’s build some new habits. How? Here’s a simple 3-step process to building a new relationship with your body: Offer, listen, and respond.

  1. Offer your body what you know it needs:
  2. Listen to messages from your body. We can be so externally focused sometimes it’s easy to miss signals from the body. Take a moment each day to quiet your mind for a moment and check in with your body. What’s it telling you? Maybe try learning how to body scan.
  3. Respond to your body’s needs. When you don’t know how to respond to a body issue, try taking a baby step in one direction (like trying a new lotion for a skin condition) or find someone to help you.

Your relationship to your body is precious. Give it quality attention by offering, listening and responding.

Is Night Chatter Keeping You Up?        

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I recently heard someone describe the mental chatter that keeps you awake as “night chatter.” I think that’s a very appropriate term.

Many people talk to me about their struggles with sleep and most are complaining about night chatter – the mind that won’t turn off.

So, what to do?

My main suggestion is to use a concentration practice – give your mind a task. My favorite practice is breath counting. Count your exhalations up to 10 then backwards 10 to 1. Don’t change the breath in any way. Just feel its natural flow. Keep counting up to 10 and backwards 10 to 1.

Your mind will probably wander off at some point.That’s normal. When you notice that you’ve wandered off into ‘thinking’ just come back to counting your exhalations. You’ll probably do this several times so don’t judge yourself for wandering off. Again, it’s normal.

The mind is habituated to constantly thinking. It’s always commenting, analyzing and judging. Your mind is a highly specialized problem-solver and this evaluative mode of the brain is its default mode.

The problem is it doesn’t know how to turn off. Especially when you are trying to sleep. It’s ready to solve all the problems in the world!

Here’s how you turn it off – FEEL YOUR BODY. When you feel your body, you move into the experiential mode of the brain.

Really all you are doing is redirecting your awareness. Instead of letting the mind run willy-nilly into the land of thinking, turn your awareness toward feeling the body. Then give your mind a task that anchors you in the feeling mode. Like breath counting.

Sweet Dreams!

Why I’m Grateful for My Problems

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I’m grumbling about my challenges today: too many things to do, not enough time, not enough money, can’t make headway on my projects, gaining weight, menopause weirdness, sprained my ankle . . . but then I pause. I take a breath . . .

I’m actually grateful for my problems.

Yes, you read that right. I’m grateful for my problems. They are the byproducts of the world I’ve constructed for myself and they make me stronger; they’re tailored to me. And they could be much worse. Much, much worse.

And they have been much worse. No matter who you are, life will throw you a curve ball sooner or later. Your problems will get big. The scary kind. My worst one so far (and God, please, no more like this one) was watching my husband die from cancer. It’s hard to even type it. I was decimated, reduced to a puddle of flesh and tears, a non-functioning ball of emotion faintly resembling a person. My problems were big and unmanageable. How would I ever function in the world again when I certainly was not coming out from under my rock? How would I work like I used to? And since he was the breadwinner and I a scrappy artist, how would I pay the mortgage?

My family and sangha (a community of Buddhist meditators) carried me through that period. They cradled my messy, gloopy self, all spikes and meh. At some point, my yoga and meditation also began to hold me up and after a couple of years I started to look like a human again.

My point is, perspective helps. Telescope out and see the day’s problems and annoyances as they are – average adversities that make you stronger. Eat adversity for breakfast, someone said. It’s a motto I’m adopting. Gratitude helps. I’m grateful that these are my problems today. They are not fun, but they are manageable. And they could be much, much worse.

If you are having big problems right now, my heart goes out to you. I send you strength, patience and lovingkindness (a term used in Buddhist communities that means tenderness, kindness, affection, non-romantic love). I hope friends and loved ones surround you. May you have the wherewithal to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to keep taking big belly breaths.

And in your more lucid moments, may you see this period as a state of Grace. A kind of altered period where the heart is so open–perhaps because it’s been shattered (ugh)–that you cannot help but see your relationship to the Universe. Some may translate that as talking to God. Words fail here, but if you’re in it or have been in it, I think you know what I mean.

I send you Love and Strength.

And for the rest of us, let’s eat adversity for breakfast!